My Vision For Writing Has Shifted & There Is Nothing Wrong With That
This year I realized that I don't want to tell my life story on the internet anymore. It's not that I don't want to share pieces of myself, or my stories, but there are also pieces that I just want to keep for myself these days. Moments that I want to live in my head and heart, not out there for public consumption.
The realization felt, and still feels, weird to me. When I think about it I suppose that's what happens when you grow... you change and the way that we look our actions shifts. For so many years, since the start of my first blog, I have poured my entire heart out to the internet and it felt good and authentic. I was never afraid to share. The good, the bad, the ugly, the traumatic. It came pouring out of me naturally and authentically.
But now, when I look at what I want to write and how I want to share, the vision has shifted. I want to share fully crafted and believed in thoughts - serious or otherwise. I want to share stories that will make you laugh - and that will make me laugh, most likely at myself. I want to continue, but with a touch more self care and a touch less raw exposure. There are stories out there that I wish I would have kept protected in my heart. There are pieces that now feel uncomfortably exposed when I read some of the words I have scattered across the internet. There are pieces of me that wince, realizing only afterward that I put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) before I was really ready.
What I have realized is that now, more than five years into sharing words across the internet, the course of my writing has changed. The things that I was struggling with, laughing about and moving through are different than they were five years ago - so how could I have ever expected the writing to stay the same?